Review: I Am Number Four

I AM...NEVER GOING TO SEE ANYTHING BY ANYBODY WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THIS MOVIE EVER AGAIN.

I Am Number Four
Director: D.J. Caruso
Date of Release: February 18, 2011
Reviewed by: AKI

So now that the Oscars are all done with and we have celebrated the best movies of 2010, lets look forward to the award season of 2011-2012.

I AM NUMBER FOUR will, without a doubt, be up for a few Razzies. This is, after all, possibly the worst movie ever made.

We follow John Smith (Alex Pettyfer), a teenager who moves to a small town called Paradise who has trouble fitting in because he is an idiot… and an alien. He falls for the pregnant chick from GLEE (Dianna Agron) only in this movie she’s not pregnant, she's an artsy pseudo-photographer named Sarah. John barely has time to deal with the adolescent drama surrounding Sarah and her jocky ex-boyfriend when the aliens that wiped out his home planet come along. The bad aliens are on earth looking for 9 special aliens from John’s planet. For some reason, these bad aliens with big feet and sharp teeth are killing these special aliens in order. In order of what they never really say, but they have already killed three and John is number 4.

At the five-minute mark, I leaned over to my friend and apologized for dragging her to yet another bad movie (the other was THE EAGLE). For it is about five minutes into the film where we are given a cheesy circa-80s voiceover telling us John’s life story which is frankly quite boring for an alien. It is all embarrassingly lazy screenwriting.

A third of the way through the film, John begins to discover that he has superpowers. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t have suspected before since, you know, he is from another freaking planet. We can only guess he discovers his powers now because now he knows he is in a movie.

So we trudge along with horrible special effects, a forced love story, a geeky abused kid, a dog that turns out to be an alien and an Australian chick who looks like Kristen Stewart (Teresa Palmer) who reveals she is number 6. I would explain all this further but why? It would be a waste of space even for the Internet. All you really need to know is this:

The bad aliens find out where John is, they tear up the town, kill people and release hell on earth. What does John do? He runs away and goes to a dark room to develop a roll of film and share a sweet moment with his pseudo-artsy girlfriend. Yep, I began rooting for the bad aliens. So what if they want to wipe out all humankind and take over earth? They also want to kill John and that makes us friends. Besides, maybe earth should be wiped out if we keep making pedestrian movies like this.

RATING: ---- That's right! Nothing! This movie doesn't deserve a star or apple or a screen to be played on. Too bad the film actually has a decent soundtrack. Really Kings of Leon? You won't lend your music to Glee but you lend it to this pile of rancid vomit. And Adele...you're breaking my heart.

Review: Easy A

Easy A
Director: Will Gluck
Date of Release: September 17, 2010
Summary: After a lie of her losing her virginity spreads around school, girl next door Olive decides to use this to make herself more popular with expected hilarious results.

AKI: I totally want to sew an “A” on every piece of clothing I have and maybe dye my hair red and wear slutty outfits. “Easy A” is the best teen flick I’ve seen in a long time…perhaps since “Bring It On” (the first one, all the others are crap). Emma Stone (as Olive) has excellent comic delivery, and unlike some self-centered comic characters, you actually like her and feel really bad for her when her phony-sex plan starts to backfire. Her parents, played by Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson, steal the show! You know the type of parents who can make fun of their African-American adopted son but still be funny and loving? I don’t either, but those parents are in this movie and they are awesome! The only downside is that you will choke on the overabundance of John Hughes’ movie references. But for keeping me laughing throughout the entire 90 minutes - Easy A, you are forgiven. * * * * 1/2

RYAN: I wanted to watch this movie because it had a few of my favorite veteran actors such as Lisa Kudrow, Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson and while those two latter actors DO steal the show as the easy-going cool parents, it was relatively newcomer Emma Stone who was the breakout star of the film. The success of the film as a John Hughes-inspired teen-style high school comedy was squarely put on Stone's shoulders and she carried the film spectacularly with her unassuming yet charismatic presence. The film itself had plenty of laughs and heart to fill its 92 minutes of running time. If I had one complaint, it'd be the underdeveloped and broadly written supporting characters (excluding her parents) which were still enjoyable enough. But again, this was a star vehicle for Emma Stone and it was a tricked-out BMW playing Natasha Bedingfield. * * * *

Review: True Blood Season Finale

True Blood
Episode: Evil Is Going On (Season Finale)
Air Date: September 12, 2010
Summary: After a heavenly vision of his dead maker (Godric), Eric decides death may be too good for Russell so he buries him in cement so Russell will be trapped for a hundred years. After Bill tries to do the same to Eric, Eric somehow escapes and tells Sookie what the real deal is with Bill. Their whole relationship is apparently based on lies; Bill was sent by the Queen of Louisiana to seduce Sookie and get at her tasty tasty fairy blood. Sookie is so upset she runs away and finds fairyland where she completely disappears (I know, WTF). Bill promises to kill everyone who knows Sookie is a fairy to keep her safe, which means he must kill the Queen. Jason has to stand by and watch his were-panther girlfriend be taken away by her half-brother/fiancé and he is also put in charge of a redneck village in need. Shapeshifter Sam shoots his brother for stealing. Hoyt’s mother continues to try to save her son from his vampire girlfriend, Jessica. Layfayette’s boyfriend is a witch. Werewolf Alcide may be dead. Arlene still has a serial killer's baby in her tummy. And Tara cuts her hair and totally peaces out, leaving behind this messed-up supernatural backwater.

RYAN: Many people were not a fan of the multiple story-lines that never really verged this season, but I was more than okay with it since none were as tedious as last season's MaryAnn plot. With that said, Jason's storyline with the inbred were-panther white trash came close to getting on my nerves, but thankfully there were other story-lines I could focus on. I'm a huge fan of Jessica/Hoyt so even though I could complain about their limited screen-time this season, their scene in the finale, kissing in their brand new house (with a creepy voodoo doll... eek) was quite nice. Obviously Russell was such a huge part of what made this season great as he played menacing and psychotic with such a joie de vivre that it was quite somber when he was buried in cement where he'll inevitable escape a season or two from now to seek revenge.

Four characters that I have had trouble warming up to in the past, got a great deal more interesting, not just in the finale, but throughout the season. Learning Sam's past and seeing his relationship with his family, more specifically with his brother, has been very interesting and it'd be tragic if he did end up killing Tommy since there's still so much story to tell there. Then there's Bill/Sookie and I've never really been a fan, but the brand new knowledge that Sookie and we, the audience, find out abotu Bill in the end really shakes up the character and their relationship, for the better. Plus if Bill was worried about Sookie's attraction to Eric, he should also keep an eye out for Alcide who is thankfully a series regular next season. Finally, Tara got herself a new haircut and hopefully a new outlook in life. We see her leave Bon Temps in the end and I hope she comes back a new, more determined, woman. Will be very interesting what she and Sookie will talk about since Sookie also left Bon Temps, to another plane of existence, with her fairy family.

Obviously the big storyline next year will be witches which is where Jesus and Lafayette comes in. As sweet as their courting was, I think their storyline was rushed and/or not given enough time to organically developed. With that said, looking forward to what they do next season, and that goes out to all the disparate story-lines as well. * * * 1/2

AKI: So we get Bill fighting the Queen of Louisiana, but we don’t see the bloody outcome. Hoyt’s mother buys a gun, but we don’t see her use it. Since when have cliffhangers been boiled down to simply not bothering to finish story-lines? Oh right... since Lost. Still, shame on you True Blood writers! And I totally can’t wait for next season. I guess your diabolical plan worked. Dammit!!

Generally, I’m excited. Bill is a scoundrel? I love it! Sookie is no longer annoying because she is too pissed off at Bill and vampires in general for using her. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if she joined the Fellowship of the Sun. And who the hell knows what Jason is going to do with that village full of dirty people in their underwear. So much weird crap is happening and I can’t get enough. If Jesus descends, reveals his fangs and bites Mary Magdalene on the neck, it would make sense in this screwy world and I would sit and watch. * * * *

Review: The Kids Are All Right

The Kids Are All Right
Director: Lisa Cholodenko
Date of Release: July 30, 2010
Summary: A brother and sister raised by a same-sex couple (Annette Bening and Julianne Moore) find their sperm donor aka father (Mark Ruffallo) and are shocked when he begins a steaming affair with one of their mothers.

AKI: You know every independent film you’ve ever seen that was a dramedy. Yeah…So I’m not saying don’t go see it, but don’t rush to see it cause you’ve already seen it. With that said, it’s not a horrible movie. In fact, it’s quite good. It’s funny…gay even (get it? hehe). It takes a while to get into the characters and their lives, but you do begin to get into them. The film is just not groundbreaking or fresh or anything to write home about in the way you hope it will be. Plus, the ending is not completely satisfying, especially with Mark Ruffalo’s character. It also seems that the screenwriter randomly chose to focus on the daughter (played by Mia Wasikowska) even though she is the least interesting character in the whole film. To prove this, she is virtually absent from the entire middle of the movie because, you know, she sucks. * * 1/2

RYAN: One thing I learned after seeing The Kids Are All Right is that I need to temper my expectations about a film. When I heard that Focus Features was coming out with a film starring Julianne Moore and Annette Bening playing a same-sex couple, I was off-the-wall excited. Then I saw it and well, it was really good, just not amazing, as I had expected. I think most of that had to do with me finding not a lot of interest in the lives of the adult characters as deftly as they were handled by the aforementioned actresses and Mark Ruffalo. In fact, I gravitated more towards the kids played by Mia Wasikowska and Josh Hutcherson and the movie seemed to lag for me when the kids weren't on screen. Maybe if they were as developed as the parents, I'd have liked the movie more. So in the end, this movie was just all right, pun intended. Nothing to rave about certainly, but still a film worthy of your time if you can spare it. * * * 1/2

Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Director: Edgar Wright
Date of Release: August, 13 2010
Summary: Boy is in a band. Boy has gay roommate. Boy meets girl. Girl has seven evil exes. Boy must defeat seven evil exes to be with girl. Hilarity ensues.

AKI: There are three things you need to know about Scott Pilgrim. First, it’s loud, REALLY LOUD and REALLY BRIGHT. And I’m no bitter old lady banging on ceilings for my noisy neighbor to turn down his breathing, but even I was like whoa, too much stimuli! Bring sunglasses. Number two (get it? hehe): while sitting in a theatre watching Scott Pilgrim, there is a good chance you will be sitting next to or not too far away from Hipsters…always unpleasant. Bring spray. Finally, number three: this movie is awesome! It’s high-larious and a breath of creativity in the blah-ness that we’ve seen at the movies lately. But can you expect less from the director of Shaun of the Dead and the British TV show Spaced? Best of all, it doesn’t even matter if you’re not into retro video games or Michael Cera, it is still a good old time. * * * * 1/2

RYAN: Apparently this is adapted from a popular graphic novel and that's who the movie was marketed towards. For me, I saw it because I'm pretty much an Edgar Wright fanboy having seen and loved his two previous films, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Scott Pilgrim is slightly different in that a) it's not British and b) Simon Pegg is nowhere to be found. And yet Wright's signature frenetic pacing and editing are ever-present and actually lend themselves quite well to this graphic novel-turned-film. I love that Wright fully committed to the video game aesthetics with graphics, sounds, and situations native to video games.

Finally, the characters are just fantastic. Michael Cera seems like a no-brainer for the Scott Pilgrim role even if he is playing Michael Cera. Ramona's exes were uniformly fabulous, but I have to single out Brandon Routh playing bleach-blond telepathic vegan ex-boyfriend Todd Ingram. He just plays the part with aplomb and full commitment. Finally, my favorite character has got to me Scott's gay and a little bit totally slutty roommate Wallace Wells portrayed wonderfully by Kieran Culkin. So in a word, MUST-SEE, that's what this movie is. Run, don't walk, to your closest multiplex. It's by far one of the best movies that came out this summer. * * * * *